Normally, when people talk about trauma, it is framed through its negative impacts. This is especially true when the trauma comes from sexual assault, where Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is a very real concern for many people. However, a less talked about outcome of trauma is called post traumatic growth. So, how can someone experience post traumatic growth after sexual assault?
First, a definition. Post traumatic growth is the process of making positive changes after a traumatic event. This is usually done through someone’s engagement with a meaning making structure. Post traumatic growth is a tangible outcome, arising through a constantly changing process. Someone can be anywhere on a spectrum of growth after a traumatic event, meaning that there are different levels of improvements. There is no universally accepted definition of post traumatic growth. The general consensus is that it’s based on how well a survivor can cope after a trauma. This includes having a strong sense of self and others. Survivors often create meaning out of their traumas as well. Post traumatic growth is usually measured along 5 domains:
In this article, we start by will exploring what trauma is. The, we will look at how it can be mediated by internal and external factors of resilience. Lastly, we examine the ways someone can experience post traumatic growth both generally and specific to sexual assault.
Trauma has taken on a colloquial life of its own. People talk about being traumatized about how bad a movie was or by how long a specific task took. Trauma in the context of someone’s mental health is very different. It is defined as something that happened or happens that affects someone’s long-term well-being and/or functioning. Defined more broadly, trauma is an event that overwhelms someone’s ability to cope with the event that happens. By every definition, sexual assault in any form can cause trauma to someone. However, different people have different responses to a traumatic event. Some people will rationalize it, like we have talked about before with unacknowledged sexual assaults. For others, traumatic events will cause sudden and long lasting changes in their behaviours. We have also talked more about commonly misunderstood reactions to sexual assault in another article.
Trauma isn’t an abnormal experience. Some sources say that the majority of men and women will experience some sort of trauma throughout their lives. Moreover, in Canada, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 11 men will experience sexual assault in their lifetime. However, rates of PTSD are much lower than that (approximately 8.6% for women and 4.1% for men). So, what causes some people to experience higher rates of debilitation from trauma? The short and simple answer is communities and individuals working together.
Many lists talking about resilience will focus on the individual’s sense of self. Do they attribute the negative event to something that they did or something impermanent that was out of their control? Are they critical of themselves or do they show themselves compassion? Do they get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions or can they ground themselves in the current moment? As a piece of education, the second part of all those questions are associated with individual resilience. However, people’s internal resilience and their experience of trauma vary. But, regardless of the person’s individual abilities, being negatively affected by trauma doesn’t mean that they have failed. On the contrary, it might mean the systems they are living in failed them.
Michael Ungar talks about the individual factors of resilience as well. These include things like persistence and adaptation. But one thing that he introduces into the equation is society’s role in creating resilience. A main tenet of his theory of resilience is that resilience only happens in the face of adversity, which makes sense on the face of things. Many parts of life require resilience in order to make it through them, even ones that are not traumatic.
However, Ungar also includes pieces in resilience that go beyond what is typically put on the individual. Things like someone’s relationships (familial, friendly, or otherwise) play a key role in resilience. So do things like social justice. This would mean that the person’s faith in the world around them, and its proven ability to protect them, plays a role in someone’s resilience. We can add this to something like access to basic resources, where it’s a lot harder to be ‘resilient’ when you’re lacking food, water, and/or shelter. Also, a sense of cohesion with your community plays a role in resilience too. This allows you to feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself. In other words, you have meaningful connections to the world around you. So, there is often more than meets the eye when it comes to being resilient.
We’ve explored what trauma and resilience are. Now, the main question of our article comes into focus: how can someone experience post traumatic growth after sexual assault? To start, we will look at post traumatic growth in general. Then, we will go deeper specifically into post traumatic growth after sexual assault.
There are many factors that go into post traumatic growth. Much like resilience, there are individual and group factors at play.
For an individual, being able to manage the emotions that come up after a trauma is an important part of moving towards post traumatic growth. This process involves interrupting the cycle of automatic and usually negative thoughts that can come up after a trauma. This sort of thinking is usually called rumination. Controlling the rumination to make it a more constructive train of thought can be an important way of coping with the distress after a trauma.
Sometimes, a survivor of a trauma might have to change the way they see the world in order to accommodate the new life experience. This can be integrated into a new worldview that makes sense of the traumatic event. Ideally, the new narrative “recognizes the complexity of the world”. A key individual factor of post traumatic growth is examining one’s core beliefs. This can be distressing in the short term, and reinforces the need for positive coping.
The other side of the coin, so to speak, are the social factors that influence post traumatic growth. Writing, praying, and/or talking about the experience are important parts of this process. They can lead to the creation of positive social networks around the person who has experienced the trauma. Self disclosure can be influenced by the survivor’s connection to their culture in ways that affect their ability to develop post traumatic growth. This is similar to someone’s connection to their community discussed above under the social aspects of resilience.
One direct benefit of self disclosure is having social support and role models for change. These role models can be a huge source of wisdom and inspiration for survivors of trauma. This reinforces the value of talking with people who have gone through similar life experiences. Especially those who have experienced growth from their own trauma. More broadly, connecting to one’s culture or society at large can be a way to continue forming connections. This can help in creating a renewed sense of wisdom that can come along with post traumatic growth.
All in all, these new ideas form a worldview that is rich and complex. They recognize the survivor’s strengths and resources. Moreover, they also highlight the survivor’s possibilities for the future.
Post traumatic growth after sexual assault is very similar to post traumatic growth in general, but with a few nuances. One thing to keep in mind is that post traumatic growth and PTSD are not mutually exclusive. This means someone can experience symptoms of PTSD and post traumatic growth concurrently. The hope for many in this situation is that they can recover from the acuity of the trauma and move further towards post traumatic growth. This can be done by using adequate professional, social, and intrapersonal supports,
For sexual assault survivors, one study found 2 strong internal predictors of post traumatic growth. These were a disruption of core beliefs and perceived control over recovery. A disrupted core belief is when someone questions their core assumptions about the world. These beliefs can be things like “I don’t deserve much attention or respect.” or “Nobody I desire would desire me if they really got to know me.” Perceived control over recovery focuses on someone’s belief that they have control over their own life after a sexual assault.
It may be helpful to show an example of this. One survivor noted that the experience “made me stronger in who I am because I knew it wasn’t my fault”. Notice that the survivor in this situation emphasizes the control over their recovery. They also don’t engage in self-blame for the sexual assault. Self-blame after sexual assault is something that can prevent post traumatic growth. It is important to note that sexual assault is never the survivor’s fault. Often it is rape myths and rape culture that contribute to a survivor’s self blame.
The same study found two other interpersonal predictors of post traumatic growth after sexual assault. These are religious coping and positive social coping. They put into perspective the value of having a supportive community behind a survivor. Religious coping is often associated with a way of making meaning out of the world. The survivor could find solace with a group of people who share and model similar positive core belief structures. Additionally, positive social coping involves both problem-solving and emotional regulation activities. In line with both of these is the role of disclosing the trauma. Survivors are more likely to experience post traumatic growth if they accepted the assault after the fact. A piece of that process can be speaking about it with their community. A further step that many survivors take is to engage in activism or political action after their trauma.
These are some big picture things that can help with moving towards post traumatic growth. But, it is important to keep in mind some of the other aspects of resilience that were talked about before. There are differences between resilience and post traumatic growth. Resilience is usually a shorter-term solution and post traumatic growth is a longer-term change. However, things like a survivor’s access to basic needs and cohesion with their community are important to factor into their capacity to have post traumatic growth. Not having these won’t necessarily stop someone from growing after trauma. But social factors like poverty and the intersections of societal oppressions can make it harder for a survivor to be ‘resilient’. Which makes it harder to move towards post traumatic growth.
Post traumatic growth is the experience of positive changes after a traumatic event. Survivors of sexual assault often will be traumatized by their experience. However, that trauma doesn’t mean that the person will be stuck forever. People can grow after trauma. Being able to connect to a survivor’s community while reframing their own internal ruminations are ways to help make this happen . And, through using the strategies for resilience from this article, the survivor in your life might see some hope at the end of their experience.
Rape myths and rape culture can often lead to confusion. Survivors might not even know they were assaulted. This is because of messages from society or friends that counteract the realities of consent. Research has shown that up to 73% of college women who are survivors of rape don’t acknowledge the sexual assault. Moreover, half of the women from one study reported experiences in line with sexual assault but didn’t know they were assaulted. This is what is called unacknowledged sexual assault.
So what is unacknowledged sexual assault? Basically, it is when sexual activities meet the criteria for sexual assault but the survivor doesn’t consider it to be assault. Unacknowledged survivors in general may be more likely to call the assault “miscommunication” or “bad sex”.
We spoke recently about some commonly misunderstood reactions to sexual assault. That will tie into this article through responses like explanation or normalization. Now let’s explore some reasons why someone might not consider themselves to have been sexually assaulted. Even with evidence to the contrary.
To start, if you haven’t read about the rape myths and rape culture linked above, please go through those as a precursor to the rest of this article. For those who are familiar with them, you may have an idea of why so many sexual assaults go unacknowledged. A major factor to sexual assault being unacknowledged is when the survivor knows the perpetrator. This is especially true when the survivor has been in a romantic relationship with the perpetrator, and may have consented to sex in the past. Research shows that they might believe that, in those relationships, “sexual activity would be considered appropriate and expected”.
Survivors of unacknowledged sexual assault may also have a different idea of what a sexual assault is. These “scripts” that survivors face may be informed by rape myths and rape culture. For example another factor in unacknowledged sexual assault is if there isn’t physical violence during the assault. Another one is if the survivor doesn’t follow the rape myth of resisting the assault. We have written in the past about different reactions to trauma, including freezing, and how they don’t mean that an assault didn’t happen.
Unacknowledged survivors are more likely to be younger. They are less likely to know a friend who was sexually assaulted. And they are less likely to report receiving information from friends about sexual assault.
Not acknowledging a sexual assault can be a way a survivor tries to protect themselves. It can lead to feeling less distressed about the event than someone who acknowledges the sexual assault. This might be the first part of a process where the survivor comes to terms with the assault before they are able to label it that way. Unfortunately, there is little evidence in this realm, but oftentimes labelling can be part of the recovery process. But, each survivor will experience their assault differently. And they will have different ways of coping with and/or labelling the experience.
There are a few things that we have good evidence for though. The first being that unacknowledged sexual assault is a risk factor for being victimized again. The survivor may have to go through the same experience with the same partner. Especially if the relationship is maintained and rape myths are not questioned. Also, unacknowledged assault survivors are less likely to reach out for support. This can include medical, mental health, or support services. This may come from fears of sharing the experience or even for blaming themselves for the assault. A study found that only 3% of people who acknowledged being a survivor of a sexual assault didn’t disclose this to anyone. On the other hand, over 1 out of 4 people who didn’t acknowledge an assault happening had never disclosed the incident.
Many of these experiences happen on a university campus. Moreover, one study found that 80.5% of college females didn’t acknowledge a sexual assault as such. Major risk factors are a belief in rape culture and rape myths, a lack of social conversations about sexual assault, and being young. So, campuses can play a major role by opening up these conversations with their students. Offices of the prevention of sexual violence are key players in this space, but everyone plays a role. If you haven’t spoken about sexual assault with the people in your life, read through one of our guides. You can also share this article with those close to you to open up a conversation.
People normally think that there are safe and effective ways to report sexual assault online. However, VESTA stands alone as the first fully online third-party reporting tool for sexual assaults. The VESTA Reporting tools can help in a variety of settings. Campuses, workplaces, or community organizations can get support for those who have been assaulted. They can simply use our tool to document the incidence. They can also either share anonymous statistical data or file a full police report. VESTA can help survivors connect to resources in their community as well, so that nobody has to recover from sexual assault alone. Then, when our communities start to heal, we can move step by step towards eradicating rape culture from the world.
After a sexual assault, there is a social script that dictates what many people think would be “normal” activity. There are usually some variations in this. It can include the survivor fighting back during the assault. It could also say the survivor should cut ties with the perpetrator immediately afterward if they know each other (which they usually do). Or that all survivors get examined at a hospital for their Sexual Assault Evidence Kit as soon as possible. There is also an expectation that all these steps are done logically. The survivor “must” also never doubt that the assault itself occurred. But these are not always examples of common reactions to sexual assault.
We will look deeper into how unrecognized sexual assaults can lead to cycles of abuse for vulnerable peoples in a later article. However, in today’s post, we will explore how rape myths and rape culture make valid responses by survivors seem unusual.
This article is adapted from the Women’s College Hospital’s online course. For more information, complete Understanding the Commonly Misunderstood Reactions to Sexual Assault.
Normalization happens when a survivor tries to put the assault into the context of what is considered “normal” activities. This idea of “normal” is usually fueled by rape culture, which hides the fact that a sexual assault legitimately happened. This can be made worse when the survivor knows the perpetrator, which they do in the majority of cases. Some research says this is because people in intimate relationships believe sex is “expected“. Plus, social scripts usually tell us that sexual assaults are committed by strangers. So, when the perpetrator is known to the survivor, then it might not fit their idea of what a sexual assault “should” be.
Explanation is when a survivor tries to rationalize what happened to them and explain away the assault. This can happen especially when there is an existing relationship between the survivor and the perpetrator. Explanations are usually fueled by rape myths and grounded in rape culture.
When a survivor uses minimization, they usually refer to another situation that could have been worse. They recognize that they said no and that they didn’t consent, but think about how they might have “gotten off easy” compared to someone else.
When a survivor engages in dramatization, they will openly talk about the assault. This might lead others to feel like the assault didn’t affect them, but in reality it’s a part of processing the assault and healing from it. Dramatization could lead the survivor to think that those around them “must be sick of hearing about it”. This can cause feelings of shame. However, connecting with others and being open to talking with helpful people may allow a survivor to bring in the help they need to recover.
Suppression is the opposite of dramatization. When a survivor suppresses the assault, they try not to think about it. They may do everything they can to keep the memory of the assault out of their mind and disconnect from their supports who might know about the assault. Being able to know how to support and talk with someone who has gone through a sexual assault might be helpful in supporting the survivor in your life.
Dissociation is when a survivor becomes disconnected from their body. They may feel empty, numb, or nothing at all. We’ve described this before as being “a dream-like state”. During dissociation, your brain filters some experiences from consciousness to protect you. This can lead to memory loss, feelings of surreality or detachment.
Survivors may have changes to their consensual sexual activities after a sexual assault. Some people may engage in more, riskier sex. Others may shut down and not be able to have consensual sex. The whole spectrum represents real, valid responses to sexual assault. Being able to recognize changes to someone’s experience might help them process what has happened.
Recognizing the symptoms of trauma and knowing more about reporting are key pieces to healing after a sexual assault. We’ve recently explored the difficulties a survivor may face in reporting a sexual assault, but there is hope. Traditionally, only approximately 5% of sexual assaults are reported to the police. But now, VESTA Anonymous Reporting and VESTA Online Reporting offer trauma-informed ways for survivors to report their experiences. Survivors can use the tools as a way to document their experience for their own benefit. They can choose to use it to report anonymized statistics to campus or relevant authorities. Or they can submit a full police report.
We hope that one day rape culture will be eradicated. And we are trying to play our role in making that happen. When survivors can be supported to access the resources they need to heal, the system will get more information on how to support them. Since no two survivors are the same, the more information the system has, the better it can support those who come forward. When everyone who is sexually assaulted feels they can come forward, our society can heal itself from the ills of sexual violence. Then, that will be the day where an equal society can emerge and rape culture can be left behind.
The majority of sexual violence prevention programs are geared towards women. However, since men commit 92% of sexual assaults against women, men’s role in preventing sexual violence is substantial. This article will explore what it means to “be a man”, how those perceptions can alter someone’s chances of committing sexual violence, and some ways that we can minimize those risks.
To be clear, I know there is no single type of man. Men are varied in their actions, beliefs, and perceptions about themselves and the world. So, you might ask how can we answer what it means to be a man if there is no one type of man? The answer to this is to talk about the perceptions of manhood, which, while not ubiquitous, have some similarities across the world.
James Bond seems like a good man to be a reference for manhood. He has existed in various incarnations for over 60 years. So, what do people, of any gender, think of him? Here are some common answers:
A lot of these are positive traits. Being confident can help to live a worthwhile life and advocate for yourself. Physical fitness can be an important part of someone’s physical and mental health. And being able to solve problems pretty obviously holds value in most areas where there are problems to be solved. On the other hand, some of those characteristics are more problematic.
Aggression, womanizing, and stoicism are characteristics of what academics call “hegemonic masculinity”. In essence, this is the type of masculinity that needs to hold power over others, especially women. And problematic behaviours in the military and in sports can show quite clearly how extremes of masculinity based in dominance over others can go wrong. That being said, a man can believe that James Bond acts like a stereotypical man, but he might not believe that those behaviours are okay. These people offer different versions of being a man, but can sometimes bear the cost of countering the traditional model.
Parents will show more positive behaviours to boys who do stereotypically (within the “hegemonic masculinity” sense) behaviours associated with being a man. Additionally, a boy’s peers and teachers are more likely to criticize boys who do more stereotypically “feminine” behaviours. This starts early in a boys life and doesn’t stop when they become a man. The power-based masculinity hurts men who don’t abide by it at disproportionate rates. Boys who are gay or bisexual have more than twice the risk of being threatened by a weapon during the previous 12 months than heterosexual boys. The risk is even higher for boys who are “not sure” about their sexuality.
A masculinity based on power over others has been described as “hard won and easily lost”, needing to be consistently proven to the man himself and the people around him. While there are many traits that can fall into the power-based model, one of the strongest influences is that it opposes anything stereotypically “feminine”.
Many studies have linked power-based masculinities to committing sexual violence. Men who believe in having power over women are more likely to commit sexual violence. This isn’t a surprise. Especially because one of the questions used to measure this is: “When it comes to having sex: I never feel bad about my tactics”. This kind of manhood coincide with myths about sexual assault and rape culture values to create a dangerous situation. Especially for BIPOC women.
It is important to acknowledge that violence doesn’t have to be a part of masculinity. However, some of the most ‘manly’ institutions in our society (e.g., professional sports, the military) are also the most violent. Unfortunately, these places also attract men who rank high in traditional masculine gender roles. This creates a place where men who believe they have to prove themselves as men by having power over women are among other men who believe the same. And all their beliefs intensify each others’.
As a note, these social settings also tend to use more alcohol than average. Using alcohol responsibly doesn’t have to be problematic. The problems with sexual violence increase when alcohol is combined with beliefs where men need to drink a lot and then prove how “manly” they are.
There are programs designed to help guys understand and prevent sexual violence. For example, Man Up Against Violence in Regina taught students about healthy manhood. They discussed what it meant to be a man, to stand against violence, and to challenge wrong ideas about masculinity using plays and group discussions. Other programs, like Mobilising Men in Practice, work globally to start conversations and provide tools to men looking to end sexual violence.
These line up with what a lot of other programs are trying to do. Mainly, in conversations about healthy masculinity, there are 2 ways to change the status quo. One is to affirm the positive characteristics of masculinity. The other is to challenge and transform what masculinity means. Normalizing the healthy belief structures that traditional masculinity currently holds can be valuable. As is countering the universality of unhealthy versions of masculinity (including toxic masculinity). On the other hand, changing the concept of ‘masculine’ behaviours is more likely to happen when we challenge the idea of what it means to be masculine. Most men don’t embody the hypermasculine belief systems that cause people to sexually abuse others. Neither do most men commit sexual violence. However, there are many men who do.
Being able to have conversations with your friends and family about what it means to be a man can be an incredible way to start shifting perceptions. You are a model of masculinity, and acting that way can influence those close to you. It can be freeing to reject rape culture and embrace your own qualities that go against traditional masculine beliefs. I have spoken with many of my fellow men who don’t believe in the traditional gender roles. They are also open to sharing their power and space equally with women. Once we can do this with ourselves, then we can start having the ability to affect change in the lives of those we love. Maybe soon we will stop talking about the crisis of men and boys and enter a healthier world for everyone. This is all men’s role in preventing sexual violence.
We at Vesta are invested in eradicating rape culture. We believe that this can only happen when people know what that is and their role in it continuing. Men play an important role in doing this, as allies, survivors, and perpetrators. Because, without men involved, all the blame will continue to fall onto women.
One of the traditional roles of men is taking responsibility, and I believe this can be a positive one in our lives. So, as a man, take responsibility for your place in re-creating harmful versions of being a man. Stand with women in their fight for equality. Help make this world a safer place for women and men alike. And lastly, don’t be afraid to shed a few tears for the people who have been hurt because of masculinity while you try to make society a better place. Once we are all able to do this, then neither the overwhelming feelings of guilt, nor their harmful counterparts, will be required.
If you know someone who lives in Ontario, Canada, has been assaulted and they are considering documenting or reporting their experience, connect them to the VESTA Community app, found here.
Luis Rubiales resigned from his position as head of the Spanish soccer federation on September 10th, 2023. For those who followed Jennifer Hermoso in this ordeal, it’s hard to understand why it took so long. An unwanted kiss broadcast on the international stage. It seemed open and shut. This is assault. Yet, in the face of the Spanish soccer team refusing to work with him and FIFA suspending him, he seemed not to care about the people who denounced his actions. He even had supporters, as famous as Woody Allen, who downplayed his actions.
“It was just a kiss, and she was a friend. What’s wrong with that?”
Woody Allen
So, in a situation like this, where the blatant exploitation of a power imbalance is made worse by toxic masculinity, what would have happened if the world didn’t rally behind Ms. Hermoso? This question is one that many people face. Moreover, while norms have changed and masculinity isn’t the same as it was, the fact that Mr. Rubiales had an outcry of support shows that the toxicity hasn’t completely abated.
Let’s look at an example of how this might play out in a less public setting. Jane Doe works at a university lab and has a male supervisor, John. John asks Jane to work late nights on an important research project coming up to the ethics board, and Jane obliges. Jane does her research thoroughly. So much so, that when her and John present it to the ethics board, the board agrees without mandating any changes. This is unheard of! What a great accomplishment.
As Jane and John walk out of the meeting and the door closes, John grabs Jane’s face and kisses her on the lips. Jane, stunned, doesn’t react. She didn’t want to be kissed, and felt violated right away, but didn’t think anyone would believe her. Jane doesn’t say anything in the days afterwards, rationalizing that it wasn’t a big deal. “It was just a kiss, and he was a friend, as well as her supervisor. What’s wrong with that?”
But it wasn’t just a kiss. And there was something wrong with that. When Jane gets the courage to say something to her friends in the following weeks, they question why she didn’t say something earlier. They don’t know that freezing is a common response in those situations. Nor do they understand that women will sometimes resort to the placating behaviours that society has conditioned them into when facing a male abuser.
Jane feels stuck. She wants to share her experience, maybe warn others about John’s behaviour, but she doesn’t know how. How can she feel safe saying it in person considering the reaction from her friends. She has mixed feelings about what to do next? What can she do?
Reporting sexual assault or abuse can be difficult for anyone in any situation. When there isn’t footage of it happening, people might misunderstand natural reactions to a traumatic event. Trauma is different for everyone and the effects of trauma can be influenced by many different internal and external factors. Up to 80% of the people who have unwanted experiences in the workplace do not report them. What would this mean if it was at your university, with a student and a professor at a lab in your research department?
Having multiple avenues for reporting assaults is necessary. Most people assume that there is a way for survivors to report anonymously online, but, until recently, there wasn’t. VESTA has two online options for people to chose from.
The first, online tool, called VESTA Anonymous Reporting, offers survivors the chance to report assaults and abuse anonymously. It comes from a trauma informed perspective and brings anonymous reports directly to your university’s sexual violence prevention services. However, If the survivor wants to report with their identity, there’s an option for that too. It’s called VESTA Online Reporting. It can connect survivors directly with support services on or off campus. Both these tools, or the full VESTA Campus suite, can also support survivors with reporting the incident to police.
In the case of Jane, she would have several options available to her. She would be able to file an anonymous report, allowing the University Sexual Violence Prevention Office to track trends and statistics. Maybe Jane wasn’t the only person John abused. Afterwards, if Jane wanted, she could follow up with the information she wrote in the reporting tool and submit it to the police. VESTA would help her document a credible and reliable account of her experience, and our founder has written about the difference that can make in our current justice system. Imagine the difference having these options could make for Jane.
While the cases above reference a male abuser and a female survivor, all genders are at risk of sexual abuse. Moreover, giving survivors a tool to report their experiences that doesn’t re-traumatize them shifts the power imbalance. What’s more, giving the students, of any gender, in your university the chance to disclose and report in ways that suit their needs is giving power to survivors. And, if as in the case of Rubiales, the perpetrator denies doing anything wrong, then that raises big red flags for other behaviours. As the New York Times has previously reported, “experts note one last trait shared by men who have raped: they do not believe they are the problem.”
Written by: Ilyas
In our busy daily lives, it’s easy to neglect ourselves. We often prioritize our physical well-being, career goals, and external appearances, but what about our emotional and psychological health? Understanding and healing your inner self is a journey that leads to self-discovery, personal growth, and overall well-being. Just as we tend to physical wounds, our emotional wounds also deserve attention and care.
The first step towards healing your inner self is acknowledging your emotions. Give yourself permission to feel without judgment and understand that your emotions are valid and serve as signals from within. Check out our blog post 5 Exercises for Checking-in and Slowing Down for some tips to get in touch with yourself and your healing journey.
Reflect on your past experiences and relationships that may have caused emotional wounds. It’s essential to identify these triggers to understand their impact on your present emotions and behaviours.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend. Self-love involves being gentle with yourself, especially during times of emotional distress. Check out our self care healing room for some ideas to get you started.
Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice can help you gain clarity about your emotions and promote a sense of calm.
Understanding and healing your inner self is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront past wounds. By acknowledging your emotions, practicing self-care, and seeking professional guidance when needed, you can embark on a path of self-discovery and healing. Remember, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships in your life.
Toxic relationships are like quicksand, easy to fall into, but challenging to escape. They come in many different forms, such as romantic relationships, friendships, family bonds or even professional connections. We will dive into the damaging effects, recognizing the signs and red flags to watch out for, and the importance of setting boundaries and seeking support. Keep reading to unmask the realities of toxic relationships.
One of the most daunting aspects of toxic relationships is that they can be subtle at first. The beginning of a relationship might appear normal, even promising, but over time, the toxic relationship reveals its insidious nature. Common signs of a toxic relationship include:
Check our our blog post for more signs of a sexually abusive relationship
Toxic relationships often follow a cyclical pattern, making it even more challenging for the victim to break free. The cycle usually involves four phases:
Unfortunately, this cycle tends to repeat itself over and over again, until it is broken by one person leaving.
Escaping a toxic relationship is a daunting journey, but essential for one’s emotional and mental well-being. Acknowledging the toxicity is the first step towards liberation. Here are some crucial actions to take:
Toxic relationships can consume us, slowly eroding our self-worth and happiness. Recognizing the signs, understanding the cyclical nature of toxicity, and taking action to break free are vital steps towards healing and growth. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and happiness, and breaking free from toxic relationships will allow you to reclaim your life and rediscover your true self.
If you ever need any resources to contact for help if you are experiencing a toxic relationship, please follow the following links:
Congratulations on embarking on an exciting new chapter of your life! Orientation Week is an incredible opportunity to kickstart your Post-Secondary journey. However, this action-packed week can also be overwhelming. Fear not, Vesta’s survival guide for O-Week has tips and tricks to help you make the most of it. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll equip you with valuable tips and advice to ensure a smooth transition into life on campus. Get ready to navigate through the festivities, stay organized, pack essentials, seize freebies, get involved, seek support, and prioritize self-care. Let’s make this Orientation Week an unforgettable experience! Keep reading to learn how to survive O-Week!
Before the festivities kick off, take some time to research and familiarize yourself with the schedule, venues, and activities planned for Orientation Week. Create a personalized timetable to keep track of events, workshops, and campus tours you’d like to attend. Having a clear plan will help you stay organized and avoid missing out on any key activities. Please allow yourself “ME” time as well. Orientation week can get a little time consuming, so allow yourself to have time for yourself to recuperate. Check out our blog post for some strategies for checking in with yourself and slowing down.
To ensure you’re well-prepared, pack a bag with essentials such as a refillable water bottle, snacks, comfortable walking shoes, a campus map, a notebook, pens, and any other items that might come in handy during the week. Don’t forget to check the weather forecast and pack appropriate clothing for all types of conditions. Head over to the following website to find out a sample list of what to bring to University/College
Make sure to take advantage of all the freebies! There will be a frosh kit given out that usually includes a water bottle, shirt and other school supplies. Special discounts and promotions will be offered on campus to make the transition easier. Check out the campus store to see any special deals for school merchandise and textbooks.
Orientation Week is all about getting involved and immersing yourself in the vibrant campus community. Participate in icebreaker activities, join interest-based clubs or organizations, and attend social events. It’s a fantastic way to meet new people, build connections, and find your niche on campus. Remember, everyone is in the same boat, so don’t be afraid to strike up conversations and introduce yourself. Making friends early on will allow the transition to the university lifestyle much better!
Starting at University can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to feel a bit lost at times. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support, we are here for you. Take advantage of the resources available to you, such as orientation leaders, campus staff, and student services. Vesta has resources for any help you might need, head over to our website to check them out. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you ever need to take a mental break, head over to our mental health resources on our website.
Orientation Week is a unique opportunity to create lasting memories and embrace the beginning of your University life. Stay positive, approach each activity with enthusiasm, and be open to new experiences. After all, this is your chance to make lifelong friends and lay the foundation for an amazing University experience.
Unfortunately, the culture surrounding Orientation Week at university can sometimes lead to unsafe situations. It is disheartening to acknowledge that O-Week can foster an environment where toxic masculinity thrives. This is evident in the unhealthy competition among men to outdo each other in terms of their number of sexual partners, as well as the pressure to consume excessive amounts of alcohol.
While it is important to emphasize that victims of sexual violence are never at fault, it is still valuable to provide some general tips for ensuring safety during O-Week.
You’ve got this! Vesta’s survival guide for O-Week can help you make the most of Orientation Week. And if you need a little extra support, header over to our website for some helpful resources.
We celebrate The 2SLGBTQIA+ community’s varied identities during Pride Month! Pride encourages people to be proud of who they are, embrace their genuine selves, and openly express their gender and sexual orientations. It’s a time to emphasize the many ways that 2SLGBTQIA+ identities interact with other identities, such as race, ethnicity, religion, and disability. Pride Month encourages a greater understanding and acceptance of all 2SLGBTQIA+ people, by recognizing and affirming these intersections.
Pride Month is a time to celebrate, but also to advocate for causes and spread awareness. It gives 2SLGBTQIA+ organizations, allies, and activists a chance to unite and call for justice, equality, and an end to prejudice. The voices of the community are greatly boosted by the colourful demonstrations of solidarity and empowerment that take place during pride parades and marches. With the aid of these activities, spaces are created where 2SLGBTQIA+ people can feel seen, heard, and supported.
Pride Month promotes educational programs that disprove stereotypes and promote conversation about 2SLGBTQIA+ rights, experiences, and history. Workshops, panels, and debates are frequently held by companies, schools, and communities to promote a better knowledge of the difficulties the community faces. By reducing prejudice and discrimination, this raised awareness promotes an inclusive society. Head over to Social and Emotional Wellness Initiative, to access resources to enhance your knowledge on Pride Month.
Think about contributing money to charity or 2SLGBTQIA+ organizations. Your contributions can help fund crucial projects, programmes, and services that advance equality, offer resources, and assist 2SLGBTQIA+ people in need.
The foundation of wholesome relationships and sexual assault prevention is consent. In order to give consent, all parties must be enthusiastically agreeing to what’s going on. Learn about consent, then raise awareness of it. It’s important to keep in mind that permission should be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specified (F.R.I.E.S.). Share this information with others, dispel false notions, and promote candid conversations.
The prevention of sexual assault depends heavily on comprehensive sex education. Promote inclusive, age-appropriate sex education in communities and schools. Consent, limits, healthy relationships, communication, and identifying warning signs of abuse should all be covered. By educating people, we enable them to make wise decisions and promote polite interactions.
The ability of bystanders to intervene to stop sexual assault is a strong tool. Encourage everyone to become involved bystanders who spot dangerous situations and step in to stop them. Learn how to safely intervene, whether it involves providing a diversion, asking for assistance, or dealing with the issue head-on. By confronting improper conduct, we make public areas safer and demonstrate support for prospective victims.
Sexual assault is made acceptable by rape culture, which promotes negative attitudes and ideas. We need to aggressively oppose it and take it apart. Analyze your own thoughts and actions first. Avoid victim-blaming and talking about people as objects or something to be trivialized. Promote material that shows consent and healthy relationships. Talk about the fallacies surrounding rape and encourage a respectful, compassionate, and accountable society.
The healing and empowerment of sexual assault survivors depends on our support. Believe survivors and provide them a place to talk about their experiences that is free from criticism. Encourage them to contact support groups and seek expert assistance. Be a kind and patient listener while honouring their choices and boundaries. We can build a network of help that promotes recovery and resiliency together.
It is not only the duty of women to prevent sexual assault; men and boys must also actively participate as allies. Encourage males to oppose sexist behaviour, bad gender stereotypes, and toxic masculinity. Encourage positive male role models who place an emphasis on empathy, consent, and polite interactions. Together, we can remove obstacles and bring about long-lasting change.
Numerous groups put in enormous effort to stop sexual assault and help victims. Think about supporting them by making a contribution, volunteering, or raising awareness. These groups offer essential services including counselling, advocacy, crisis hotlines, and preventative initiatives. They can significantly improve the lives of survivors and the larger community with your assistance.
For an American option, the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), has two funds: Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) fund and a Relief Fund. The SAAM fund helps create materials and allows for the distribution of education to support individuals and organizations on eliminating sexual assault. The Relief Fund for sexual assault victims provides support for staff and survivors at sexual assault centers. The fund allows for the coverage of staff education costs, cost of damaged equipment and ensures that the services are available to the community 24/7. To learn more about National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) or to donate, please head to their website at https://www.nsvrc.org/saam.
If you’re looking for a Canadian organization, the Canadian Women’s Foundation is a public foundation for gender justice and equality. Your donation will help community organizations in every province and territory in Canada to support diverse women, girls and gender-diverse people facing poverty, violence, discrimination and other forms of inequality. Visit their website here.
Keep in mind that you should contact the relevant hotline or your local authorities if you or someone you know is in immediate danger or requires assistance.
If you would like to learn more, please head over to our website. We have free resources for the law, mental health and legal aid regarding sexual assault awareness.
